I'm still Here:)

Hey Ya'll, yes I'm still here..I guess blogging just hasn't been on my mind alot lately.
I was really struggling with some things, and still hurting way deep in the inside( I tend to hide stuff like that thinking it will make it just go away) But it wasn't going anywhere...
I've had enough people hurt me, and judge me to make me determine to give people the benefit of the doubt, to see the good..and not always jump to the conclusion that something is wrong...But don't be like me, and think just because you determine to do that, that everyone is naturally going to understand and give you that same treatment.
Have you ever had something, perhaps a lie about you, or a harsh word spoken to you, play over and over and over in your head? Or feel like you can't trust anyone anymore, because the people you thought were close, and who you held up so high, or loved so much could turn their back on you and hurt you and think so evil of you...
I am blessed to have loving parents that hurt when I hurt, that protect as much as they can, I'm also blessed with a few good friends that do understand me and love me..for the past month they have been there for me, praying with me, defending me when I could not defend myself, and loving me. For them I pushed my hurt aside and told them and myself that I was okay...nothing can stop me from living Joyfully:) :) all smiles...

But in truth I wanted to just sit in my room for a week and cry, and never trust a living soul again.
In church every message seemed to suit my situation, and every verse I read in my Bible reading seemed to talk about my enemies and what they had done againest me, I couldn't pray for others, with a real heartfelt prayer...all I could think about was how wrong this person was, and how could they think such things about me, do I really come across like that? has everyone truly looked at me like this? are my desires really wrong? My mind was constantly filled with things about this...it was driving me crazy!!!

For the past week, I pushed myself  to do everything like I did before...But this week we went to a conference and something happened. God truly worked in my life...It was Bro.Bobby Roberson preaching, he started talking about all the struggles and joys he's had in his church( I tell you if the young preacher boys would just listen to some of these older Men of God, instead of trying to be smarter than them, they'd learn something!) and He said you just need to be faithful, people are never going to understand you, people are going to misjudge you,and you will want to defend yourself when only God can,and most of the time people are hurting inside when they try and hurt you but are really hurting theirselves more, but just stay faithful. Something clicked in my head, and I said ''Lord you know my heart, and I can't change what happened, or how people act toward me, help me Lord to love them anyway, to not judge them in return, to forgive and and forget and move on...'' and ever since then I'm okay..I can look at them without hearing what they said to me, I can still love them, I can enjoy being myself  again, I can sit in church and relate the sermon to me, not ''those people'' or the ''situation'', I can forgive and understand them, even though I realize No one may ever understand me...But I can do it for God, and give Him the Glory, so I'm not upset, or bitter, or still looking for an apolgy from the people that hurt me.
I've just learned something else, just grew a little more, just became a little closer to my God, and just saw how wonderful it is to have God's Grace and Mercy, when none of us deserve it!
So that's what's been up...Hope to blog more soon:)