Am I in the Right Relationship?

 

Can I just say this may be a very hard post for me... because I know exactly how a person in the wrong relationship will read this. Because I've been that person! So before I begin, I pray that you will just read this with an open mind, and a open heart from someone who has made a few mistakes and learned greatly from them! And who desperately doesn't want anyone to talk their self into a life outside of God's plan, and with the wrong person.

First things first...How do I know this isn't what God has for me?
Okay let's look at that question honestly, who does God have for you? Maybe you are asking yourself.. is this person I'm with, sent by God? How do I know he isn't meant for me?
Your heart may be saying one thing while your head knows way better, maybe you're thinking he will change, or you'll help him! That's your purpose in life to help right (not like that girls) I mean someone has to love him, and why not You!
If you really care about what God wants for you let's look at it through His eyes shall we?

1.Does He profess to be a Saved, Born Again, Christian?

That may knock some of you out right at the start... If you are saved, and the holy spirit lives inside you, and your guy proclaims he is not... then the bible specifically gives you your answer!

Be ye not unequally yoke together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath rightousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 2Corinthians 6:14

Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 3:3

How much clearer can you get? The bible clearly shows us that believers are not to marry unbelievers, and I think that being in a relationship with them that could lead to marriage this verse applies to that too!

Going into a relationship, and marriage already has it's differences you'll face together just by being male and female...but to add the fact that one is a child of God while the other is still living for the world and doesn't care for the things of God. That is is just asking for trouble and disagreements!
I know too many girls that are living miserable lives now, in homes filled with arguments and fighting because they thought they could win their love to Christ by marrying them! I know of one right now, she married an atheist and she was a Christian, her husband will go to church with her, but makes fun of it and ridicules her about it at home and now their marriage isn't a very happy one! Girls, don't convince yourself that you can save him, only God can save a soul and change a life! If you love this person, then maybe you should step away from this relationship and pray for him! Don't compromise and think He'll change later and become a Christian! If you are saved, then God's will is for you to marry a saved young man!

2.Does He have a Testimony of a Saved, Born Again Christian?

Boom!! A few more of you were knocked out, sure you answered yes to the first question...but live like a Christian? Have a real testimony? Can tell you a time He actually received Christ?
I can say I never had a guy interested in me that didn't profess to be a Christian, I mean we do live in the South and everyone around here is a "Christian" but I had quite a few guys that would have failed question number 2!!! Oh they were charming, and sweet, and one I even considered... But perhaps they never changed, they lived just like everyone else, they spoke just like everyone else, they wanted me for the same reason a guy on the street would want me, they didn't care about my soul, or my desires, my music or my love for church or the things of God! Maybe they couldn't give me a real time they received Christ, or they felt uncomfortable in my church, and would talk bad about it when they left! Some had pasts and didn't regret a thing they had done!

Does the person you are in a relationship with make you feel bad about going to church, does he applaud you for trying to grow closer to God? or tear you down and tell you you are acting like you are better than everyone else? Does his worldly life make you feel like hiding your Christian life? Do his friends and family see a difference in him, and know he is saved?
You will need someone through life that will encourage you to draw closer to God, that will go to God's house with you, not take you away from it! God wants you to be with someone who will make you a better Christian, not a weaker one!

3. Does he cross any of your boundaries?

This should always be a red flag to us girls, when a guy doesn't respect the boundaries we set in our relationship, especially physical! It's not showing his overwhelming desire for you, it's showing his lack of respect for you! And lack of personal self control... When we are felt pressured to show our love, in anyway that goes against what we know and feel is right! Then how can we truly convince ourselves this person loves us? Love isn't just touch, and kisses, and feeling each other, it's so much more.. building a relationship that leads to marriage, is falling in love with the whole person, not just their bodies! It's getting to know their character, their thoughts and feelings, their hearts. If you are in a relationship with a young man, that doesn't believe you love him until you prove it in that way, then he is not proving his love for you!

 (Girls quick reminder, your kiss, your touch, your body, and your love was meant to be saved for one man, your husband! It's a precious gift, that once it's given away can never be taken back! Be wise, and consider wouldn't you rather give something like that to someone who had fought, waited for it as long as it took, and treated you as what you are, a treasure, not a toy!)

4. Does he often lose his temper, raise his voice, or become angry with you?

I never understood why a girl would continue to date a guy who would fight with her, get mad at the drop of a hat, or even become violent! Girls, wake up!! If you are in a relationship with someone like this, it is not what God wants for you!!! The courtship/dating period of a relationship, should be at least somewhat pleasant and sweet, if you are arguing and fighting now, what will your marriage be like? If you are only his girlfriend now, his sweetheart, how will he treat you when you are with him everyday?

Maybe he doesn't argue with you, or lose his temper with you.. but you have seen it with others. This is still a dangerous relationship, trust me! Any man that can not control his temper, or his actions toward others, isn't being led by the holy spirit... and there is no guarantee he will never be this way toward you! (Girls, also remember it's never a right relationship if your boyfriend is physically abusing you, or if he raises his hand to hurt you!! Never stay with someone who is hurting you!! That is never God's plan!!)

5. Does he belittle you and put you or others down?

Most of the time, Number 4 usually will do this too... I've seen it! Guys making their girlfriends feel stupid, and unimportant right in front of me! They will even call them bad names, and talk about how dumb and how lucky she is to have him... right in front of her!

You can say they are joking or that they don't mean it.. but girls, this is not right! Never is it biblical or right to be treated like a doormat, or that you are dirt beneath his feet!! The bible doesn't say that, in fact it tells men to honor us women, because we are the weaker vessel, to love us like Christ loved the church and gave himself for us!!!!

Any man that treats you like this isn't worth your time, truthfully he is just showing his own ignorance and isn't proving himself worthy of your love toward him and in my eyes if he treats others like this you may want to seriously think about your future with him as well!

6. How does He treat His Mother?

The age old question, How does he treat his mother? Because that's how he'll treat you!! I actually had a guy interested in me (note that I'm not some gorgeous creature that had a line of fellows, I just had the usual string of weirdos and everyday guys before my sweet husband came along lol) but this guy's mother, seemed almost afraid of her son.. and I later found out that he didn't treat her very good.

What a test to see how he will treat the love of his life, a woman that will show him love, take care of him, feed him meals, kiss him, and clean for him, a woman that will take the place of his mother in some areas if you know what I mean..
If he is cruel, rude, and disrespectful to the woman who has looked after and loved him for 18 plus years, how will he end up treating you?

7. Is His Heart Yours?

Does his heart belong to you? If he has passed all of the above that's great!! If you are in a relationship with a wonderful Christian guy, he is saved, and lives for God, he is sweet and caring and treats everyone with respect and love, but... there is something, you are just not sure where he stands, his heart isn't yours. He likes you, you know that.. but he hasn't fully devoted to you, he still talks to other girls just like he talks to you, he doesn't want others to know about you, and you might not hear from him or see him for weeks!

You are sure of his love for you one day, but the next it seems to all change. You may see his eyes wonder to other girls, or maybe the age old facebook isn't helping either and he has 20 others on there he may be treating the same way he treats you, but yet he insist you are the only one he talks to this way!

I have seen it so many times, and I have been there! Girls, as wonderful as a relationship with a good guy is, this is still not what God wants for you! God has a guy out there that wants you and you alone! And when he meets you, all others fall in the shadows!!! A guy who doesn't know where his heart lies, is just as bad as all the above! If he is tossed about with every girl he sees and you are just part of the line up, step away! Get out of line, God has someone else for you, someone who will love you, and will be devoted and set on pursuing you!

The older you get, you will realize life is already a rollercoaster.. you don't need to add any more loops than necessary! Us girls need someone with a steady love, that never changes and never goes away, but is there for us always!

8. Does your God-Appointed Leadership Approve?

This is a very big one, but many times we ignore this area of our relationships... God has given us our parents, our pastor, wise older Christians in our lives for a purpose, to help us, not to hinder us! If you are in a relationship that isn't approved by your Father and Mother, or your Pastor, something is wrong!

I know you may be thinking, but they don't understand my situation, they don't understand how much I love him, or how sweet he really is... Maybe you think they are being too hard on him, and just want you to be with a nerdy/preacher perfect/guy..

Somehow I highly doubt that's the case, even tho that's what you are telling yourself, those people in your life that love you so much, only want what's best for you! Maybe they know something about this young man that no one else knows, maybe your parents just don't have a good feeling about him, or see something you can't see because you are blinded by romance and all the sweet talk. Regardless of their reasoning, if you respect them and honor them enough to obey and end a relationship they don't like, then God will bless you! He may change your parent's hearts, or send the right relationship in your life!

 No matter what, that leadership has been placed in your life for protection, I know I am extremely thankful for my Parents who rescued me, and advised against many a dangerous relationship!! At the time I may not of understood, and fully agreed, but now I can look back and realize the kind of life I would have gotten myself into... I would have been so foolish to not listen to them!!

(I know there are cases where unspiritual parents may be against a good relationship, simply because they are not rich or something like that.... but you know what I am speaking of, and if you're parents are not a godly leadership in your life go to your pastor and his wife, to see if they approve!)

What is God telling you?

In the end only you can determine what God wants for you in a relationship... Only you choose to listen, choose to be with the right or wrong person. But I do believe these are some serious signs of a wrong one! Remember you are never stuck in a relationship, even if it's the day before your wedding and you feel like this is wrong, it's not too late! Never talk yourself into staying with someone that you know isn't who God wants you to be with!
Happiness and peace only truly come when you are doing God's will! If you can't determine or do what needs to be done on your own ask for help!! Ask your Pastor, or Pastor's wife, Ask your Mom or Dad, ask anyone that will give you Godly counsel from God's word(not their opinion)... And trust me, ending a relationship isn't the end of the world! It may hurt, it may bring tears, but by and by it will be for your good and God's glory!